Not like other doctors

I've now been in my new position for about 8 months. (When does "new" no longer apply?) The toughest part of moving for me is having to build new relationships with patients, and over the past few weeks I'm finally looking at my daily schedules and recognizing some names.

I think my patients are starting to feel that sense of comfort as well, and several of them have made a similar comment to me. The context always seems complimentary:

"You're not like any doctor I've ever known!"

One patient followed this comment by saying, "If you weren't wearing a white coat, I'd never guess you were a doctor."

I graduated from medical school in 2003, yet I've never heard these comments before, not until this most recent move. Is there something different about the physicians in this area whom I'm being compared to? Have I changed, somehow, in ways I haven't recognized?

I have gotten a lot more comfortable in my own skin as a doc. I still rely on my doctor-patient communication training to make sure the visit stays focused on the patient's needs, but I worry less about "sounding like a doctor." I feel free to inject some of myself into these interactions, which feels much more comfortable than earlier in my career; I was guilty of imitating how I felt a "good" doctor would act instead of being genuine with patients.

While I appreciate the implied compliments, part of me worries about these "not like other doctors" statements. Perhaps I don't look professional enough, or act professionally enough. Maybe I'm putting too much of my personality into these encounters. Maybe my patient interactions cross that invisible doctor-patient boundary line of appropriateness. Is there some inherent "doctor"quality that I am lacking?

And, if so, how do I figure out what it is?

0.7 + 0.1 = 1.0

I've been looking carefully at my weekly schedule to make sure I'm not committing to projects that I don't have time for. There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day to get things done, and while I know that's a common sentiment, as a part-time worker I'm not sure anyone will empathize with me.

I currently have two employed positions; I work 0.7 FTE with a residency program and 0.1 FTE with a medical journal. I intentionally left 1 day a week open for my writing and volunteer projects; it also definitely de-stresses my marriage for one of us to have a little wiggle room in the week to take care of all of those sniggly domestic tasks that always crop up.

While examining how I've been spending my time, though, I discovered the phenomenon of "schedule creep." 0.7 FTE should leave 1.5 days a week free; 0.1 FTE should only take up 0.5 of one of those days. But I've been working 32-40 hours a week at my 0.7 FTE position; the 0.1 FTE is pretty close to 4-5 hours a week. That adds up to 36-44 hours per week of work, or 0.9-1.1 FTE. Add to that the sniggly domestic tasks that fall to me, and no wonder I'm not writing or volunteering nearly as much as I would like.

Of course, few full-time physicians work 40-hour weeks, and 32-36 hours is close to 70% of the average physician workweek. My husband is a 1.0 FTE physician, and he is regularly clocking 50-60 hour workweeks (which is why I don't begrudge doing my fair share of those sniggly domestic tasks). But seeing just how much time I am spending makes me feel a little better about the non-work activities that haven't been getting done as much as I would like.

That said, I have no regrets about being part-time. Although our dream to have a family hasn't panned out, it still works well for us as a two-physician household to have a release valve in our weekly schedule. I am certainly not getting 8 hours a week (my supposedly leftover 0.2 FTE) to spend on writing and volunteering, but at least I don't feel guilty about the time I do spend on non-work activities.

For right now, it works, and that's good enough for me.